We just celebrated Mother’s Day in Singapore. It has always been a bittersweet day for me as I tend to ruminate on my many failed attempts to conceive, until I gave up and decided to adopt.
When my husband and I decided to adopt, like most things I threw myself in 120%. I remember the whole process as being absolutely exhausting. The mountain of paperwork required, and the interviews were overwhelming. Some of the questions and requirements (health, financial etc..) just got me questioning many things. I remembered having to be fingerprinted for background checks and wondered if only we had this system in place for everyone and not just adoptive parents. The concept of the lack of inclusivity was imprinted in me a long, long time ago.
In August 2007, we met this little baby girl that forever changed our lives. The whole process leading up to the Court Order that finally confirmed she was ours strengthened my faith in God, gave me the courage to approach life with more confidence, and more importantly it honed my maternal instincts which was to prepare me for the next set of challenges.
I must give credit to what I had to endure and experience because it changed me so much. For someone who was always about the “big picture”, I learnt to slow down and pay attention to the details and subtle signs. I was very in tune with my daughters’ medical appointments and growth milestones because the tough moments taught me to never take anything for granted. Not having a family and medical history made matters worse as we had to parent from a lot of unknown. As I reflect, it was the fear of the unknown that pushed me to constantly question and pay attention to her silent struggles.
By looking for clues both physical and mental I was able to identify at a very young age that my daughter was not meeting her milestones. Without having much background knowledge of her history, I ended up doing a lot of research to narrow down the possible reasons for her challenges. I did not chalk up her hyperactivity, impulsivity, her struggles with sound letter identification and basic numerical sequencing to just being a happy and super active child. I asked questions. I advocated for her at preschool and kindergarten. I pushed for Early Intervention and ignored the negativity and noise.
My first parenting lesson for raising neurodivergent children - PAY ATTENTION & BE CURIOUS. ASK QUESTIONS. When parents focus on curiosity, we can avoid being furious with the situation. We can prevent frustration and anger by reading more into the context of what is actually happening.
“What is causing these impulsive behaviours?” “Why does he get angry when I ask him to do simple counting?” “Why does she avoid reading”?
We can be our child’s detective by looking for clues and collecting information from teachers, friends, and other family members. Before Acting or Responding, ask yourself, is it “Naughty or Neurological”?
Our curiosity can give us the answers we need which will lead to getting the correct intervention as early as possible.
As Elaine Taylor – Klaus & Diane Dempers from Impact Parents often share, “Lets Parent from Inspiration Not Desperation”. Let your children inspire you…. Mine do. For that I am grateful that I got the chance to be called Mama.
Happy Mother’s Day to all Neurodivergent and Neurotypical Mums.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. My name is Shyla Anne Mathews and I am a mother to two wonderful neurodivergent teenagers. I am here to help. I work with children with a formal dyslexia diagnosis or not from ages 6 -16. 80% of them have ADHD. I use ELA (Dyslexia Association of Singapore), Orton Gillingham (MSL Orton) and Lindamood Bell intervention techniques in my approach. I also work with young people diagnosed with ADHD by supporting them with Coach Approach Intervention for the development of Executive Function Skills and Functional Literacy. I engage with my learners based on their interest and I love telling stories and involving them in imagery to develop their confidence and oratorical skills. Do write to me directly at shyla.mathews@thenicemovement.com or text me on 97440871 to schedule a phone/online chat. and let me know how I can help.
For more Information visit www.thenicemovement.com
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