Differences: Social Challenges in a Classroom Setting
I managed fine in primary and secondary school but often saw the differences between myself and others in social settings. For example, I was pulled aside once during class because a classmate told one of my form teachers that I had been humming. Sometimes, I did that unconsciously because I was vocally stimming to help me focus during class. Still, it was disruptive to the people around me, so I made a conscious effort to stop, and I would eternally scold myself every time I caught myself humming. On the other hand, I felt that some of my other classmates, who were louder and more disruptive, were not metered out with the same dressing-downs. Being in a classroom made me feel inferior because I had to work twice as hard to control myself. At the same time, some of my other boisterous classmates seemed to not care about being disruptive or breaking the rules. This would cause me great turmoil, and I remember crying in class, which prompted my teacher to pull me aside for a one-on-one.
Evolution of Perception: ADHD, Responsibility, and Coping Strategies
Although, on a grand scale, I was a good student who was not tardy often. I feel that the biggest irony is that despite my ADHD, I was more responsible than some of my other neurotypical classmates. Something to note is that I was only diagnosed with ADHD at 9, so I was not aware that I had ADHD earlier, but I did know that I had reading difficulties. Over the years, my perception of ADHD has grown and changed. I used to think that ADHD was a burden, but now I am learning to live with it and accept the fact that I will have ADHD for the rest of my life until the day I die. On that note, I have developed strategies to help me cope. For example, If I have to carry out a big task, I will break it down and follow each step accordingly. However, when tasks change, the execution may be affected, and I might miss a step. I also used to struggle with losing my water bottles, but now I hardly do because I always leave my bottles in my sight. After all, if I don’t see it, I will forget it.
Dispelling Misconceptions: ADHD, Gender, and Hyperactivity
Now, something I would like to clear up about ADHD. Hyperactivity does not necessarily equal ADHD; I feel that this is quite a common misconception. For example, I had confided in my sports coach that I had ADHD. I told him so because I would sometimes space out on the court, and I did not want him to think it was intentional. My coach seemed shocked because he did not expect me to have ADHD, and I remember asking him whether he had met only boys with ADHD. I was right on the money. Unfortunately, it is more common to meet a diagnosed boy with ADHD rather than a girl because it seems that girls are better at masking than boys, but this may be attributed to the fact that society and others expect girls to act a certain way. Anyway, back to my moment, it was pretty apparent that my coach had associated hyperactivity with ADHD and during CCA, I was more withdrawn. At first, I was a bit offended, but I knew that my coach was not coming from a hostile place, and I was happy enough to educate him about ADHD.
Now, my advice to those with ADHD who may encounter situations similar to mine is just to be patient and try guiding the other person, as no question is too dumb because, especially in Asia, neurodiversity is not mainstream. It still may be a taboo topic for certain people. On the other side of the coin, my advice to peers and family members who want to support their loved ones with ADHD is to ask questions and not assume. Even if you think you know your loved one well, you don't know what is happening in their brain and behind the scenes.
Moving on, I have realised that I have only elaborated on my challenges, but now, let me shed some positive light on ADHD. While ADHD may not be a burden or a superpower, personally, I feel that my ADHD has given me some strengths. I think that my ADHD allows me to be creative because my brain can spontaneously jump and make connections that may not seem so apparent to others, and this has helped me with my literature. For example, I am not a big fan of poetry, but I have always surprisingly managed to score 18/25 for my poetry section, which is pretty good, especially since I don’t practice poetry.
Balancing Academics & Well-being: Strategies for Effective Study Habits
Speaking about academics, it is essential to balance studying and rest, even if you are studying for a major exam, as you need to take care of your well-being. Trust me, because when I was studying for O-levels, I burnt out at one point and took a break from studying for 2-3 days. Firstly, planning your time wisely is crucial so that rest and study time do not mix. For instance, I recommend breaking down homework into manageable chunks to prevent feeling overwhelmed and then procrastinating because it seems so hard. By not procrastinating, this lessens the chances of your studying time bleeding into your break time. While studying, I use the Pomodoro Method, which is 25 minutes of work time and a five-minute break. Taking short breaks while studying helps me stay focused and engaged. During these short breaks, it is important to rest your eyes; don't even think of looking at your phone. Your phone should not be with you because while studying, there should not be distractions surrounding you; otherwise, how will you ever get anything done?
Now, another super important tip is that you have to advocate for yourself because you know yourself better than others. For example, If you feel that your teacher has given you a short deadline that you know you can’t make, ask them if they can extend it for you so that you don’t end up having assignments piling up to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed because it is crucial to have an excellent study-break balance. Most importantly, it is good to dedicate some time to your hobbies during your downtime as they help you relax. For example, I like to read because I get to read about a fictional world.
Since I have already touched on some aspects, such as academics and personal challenges, I’d like to talk about how ADHD has affected my relationships with my friends and loved ones. I may not be hyper-active, but I am emotionally dysregulated; sometimes, one minute, I can be happy and then another minute, I can be crying and sometimes, it is hard for me to calm down because I feel suffocated by my emotions.
Emotional Challenges and ADHD: Navigating Dysregulation and Coping
Not only does my emotional dysregulation affect me, but it does affect my loved ones, which does make me feel very guilty, and that can turn into loathing and self-hatred. Fun fact: people with ADHD are prone to anxiety and depression, and I can be pretty anxious. I don't have much advice on how to handle emotional dysregulation because I am still learning; however, if you find yourself feeling triggered and suffocated, try to remove yourself from the situation or tell the other person how you are feeling. Hopefully, the other person will understand instead of getting defensive and insisting that they did nothing wrong and that you are entirely at fault.
Although the journey may seem long and daunting, having a mini and big goal is good. For example, one of my big goals is to do early intervention for younger neurodivergent kids so that they can manage their symptoms at an earlier stage rather than during adulthood. When planning goals, always use the S.M.A.R.T. structure because having a specific goal and setting a target on when you want to achieve the goal helps you.
Lessons Learned: Embracing Growth and Looking Ahead
In conclusion, over the years, I have learnt many things. I have become less insecure and jealous of others because envy is not a good thing to carry around in one's heart. I compare myself to others less now because I have learned to co-exist with my weaknesses and strengths; however, I sometimes feel lost because I am not a very flexible thinker. Executive Function Coaching continues to help with my confidence and EF skill development. Trust me, readers, your situation will improve even if things seem bleak right now.
Online tools I recommend:
Notion: I used Notion to take down some school notes and track assignments. There is a learning curve, but it is simple once you get the hang of Notion.
Website: https://www.notion.so
Lifeat.io: This website has a Pomodoro timer, which I used, and you can customise how you want your study room to look by choosing the backdrop. You can also make a to-do list to help you keep track of your tasks, and if you love Lo-fi music like me, there is already an inbuilt Spotify Lo-fi playlist. https://lifeat.io/
Goblin tools: If you have trouble breaking down big tasks into steps, look further than Goblin tools. Their magic-to-do function helps break down tasks for you depending on how much scaffolding you need to complete a task. https://goblin.tools/
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